My New Blog

I have had to restart this stupid thing about 4 times now.
Why?
Because I fail at life.

Around 7 months ago I had a girl add me to msn messenger, and she said it was Sarah, a girl I used to work with when I was in Nova Scotia. I always thought Sarah was right on, so we chatted lots. We started off updating each other on what has been new since we last saw each other, and then as we were talking, we realized we had oodles in common. We liked the same music, movies, tv shows, stuff like that. We would talk for hours about relationships, she would ask my advice on guys, and I told her I couldn't really help much in that department, and that I wasn't even dating. I explained about how badly my previous relationship had went, the one I had been in when I was working with her. I talked about how I had been cheated on, lied to, alienated from my friends and family, and about how he used to always tell me I would never be good enough for someone else. She agreed that I needed time to get over things.

I met a guy through work. He was a musician in one of my favorite bands of all time, and we struck up a decent friendship. When he asked me out I was super excited, so of course, I told Sarah because her and I had become so close. I shared intimate details as the weeks went on .. that's what friends do right?

When I found out that I would be in the same city as Sarah for a few weeks, I had told her. She told me to let her know when I was free because she really wanted to hang out. Then last night I found out I would be free this week, so I sent her an instant message and said "Hey I'm going to be around this week .. wanna get a drink?" and I got a reply back, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" so I replied with "???". The reply I got back made me sick to my stomach. "This is ____'s fiance. Who the fuck is this?"

"____" is my ex that cheated, lied and alienated me from my friends and family. I ran to the washroom and threw up. I could not BELIEVE this was happening. The whole time. THE ENTIRE TIME. It wasn't Sarah. It was him. All the details I shared about my life. Everything. Who I have been seeing, where I have been working.

Best part is that I actually had filed a protection order against him during the summer because he showed up on the other side of the country and was stalking one of my friends he thought I was dating. He would wait outside of his work and follow him to see if he was going to my house, because he didn't know where I lived and I guess that was something he just had to know in order to be able to make it through the days of his pathetic existance.

I can't believe he did this. I don't even know what to say. I barely slept at all. I would close my eyes and see him. I told "Sarah" that I was visiting my parents for a few weeks, and this guy totally knows where they live.

My big question was, "What would have happened if I had met up with 'Sarah'?" I pretty much would have met her ANYWHERE. She could have told me to drive out to her friends house in the middle of the woods to pick her up and I would have done it. Stupid me.

At least I figured it out early enough ehh? Before any serious damage was done.

So now I have a new messenger. New blog AGAIN. New everything. I can't keep running away from him, but I also can't stay in one spot waiting for him to find me again.